


Self

by KatGurl_Weirdo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Gen, Mirrors, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, im a depressed little bean, talking to the self basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 05:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16402043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatGurl_Weirdo/pseuds/KatGurl_Weirdo
Summary: "I don't want to see you like this."





	1. Girl Version

“I don’t want to see you like this.” She whispered. “I don’t know where your smile went. Can you tell me?”

I stayed silent, looking at her, her eyes were full of hope. I couldn’t bear to look at the opposite of me. I looked at the ground between us. It felt like it was so much between us. So many secrets. When have we become like this?

She still had that smile on her face. No matter how many times I disappointed her… she still had a smile. How dare she have a smile?

“It’s okay…” She tried again. “We’ll get your smile back. I promise.”

“It’s not okay.” I rasped. She stood, startled. Her eyes traveled the room in shock. Her smile faltered. She hadn’t heard my voice in so long. She almost couldn’t recognize it.

“I know it’s not.” She tried. “I know it’s not, but it will be. Okay?”

“Why do you always say that?” I sounded like I was begging. “You’re always like them! You always say it’ll get better. It’s not better yet!”

I caught myself. I stood abruptly, hand grabbing the bag I had left on the floor. “Where are you going?” She hasted, grabbing onto a bag identical to my own. “Please, wait.”

She grabbed onto my shoulder, turning me with force. Her face didn’t have that smile. She didn’t look happy. “I know it’s not better yet.” She held onto my shoulder, gripping onto it so I couldn’t run. I want to run. I don’t want to be lectured. Not again. They tell me enough.

_You’re useless._

_You’re ugly._

_Dumb b*tch._

_You’re annoying._

_You’re too quiet._

_You’re too clingy._

_You’re too-_

“Stop!” She pleaded. I snapped to her, eyes bloodshot red, tears threatening to fall any moment now. “Don’t think about that, please.”

“What do you want me to think about? Their words?”

“As if they’re any worse than yours.”

I startled back at her words. The bite in them. The need to show something. My breathing became ragged. I didn’t want to be here. Please don’t make me be here.

“I-I’m not good enough… I can’t make them proud… please.”

She dropped her bag, the noise sounded through the silent, all-white room. Her free hand grapped onto my other shoulder. “It’s okay. It-it’s okay to not be okay, okay?” She whispered gently in my ear, I whimpered, burying my face in her identical maroon sweater. She wrapped her arm around me, rubbing my back as I cried.

“You don’t have to smile.” She said, a small smile growing onto her face. “But don’t think about that. Look into the mirror.”

She turned me, a mirror appearing where the door was. She disappeared behind me, instead, her face was in the mirror.

 _You’re beautiful._ The mirror whispered to me.

_You deserve everything you have right now and more_

_You are a great friend and sister_

_You mean the world to many_

“You don’t have to believe the words now.” She - I said to my reflection. “Just believe them one day, okay?”

“I don’t want to see you like this.”


	2. Boy Version

“I don’t want to see you like this.” He whispered. “I don’t know where your smile went. Can you tell me?” 

 

I stayed silent, looking at him, his eyes were full of hope. I couldn’t bear to look at the opposite of me. I looked at the ground between us. It felt like it was so much between us. So many secrets. When have we become like this? 

 

He still had that smile on his face. No matter how many times I disappointed him… He still had a smile. How dare he have a smile? 

 

“It’s okay…” He tried again. “We’ll get your smile back. I promise.”

 

“It’s not okay.” I rasped. He stood, startled. His eyes traveled the room in shock. His smile faltered. He hadn’t heard my voice in so long. He almost couldn’t recognize it.

 

“I know it’s not.” He tried. “I know it’s not, but it will be. Okay?”

 

“Why do you always say that?” I sounded like I was begging. “You’re always like them! You always say it’ll get better. It’s not better yet!”

 

I caught myself. I stood abruptly, hand grabbing the bag I had left on the floor. “Where are you going?” He hasted, grabbing onto a bag identical to my own. “Please, wait.”

 

He grabbed onto my shoulder, turning me with force. His face didn’t have that smile. He didn’t look happy. “I know it’s not better yet.” He held onto my shoulder, gripping onto it so I couldn’t run. I want to run. I don’t want to be lectured. Not again. They tell me enough. 

 

_ You’re useless. _

 

_ You’re ugly. _

 

_ Dumb f*ggot. _

 

_ You’re annoying. _

 

_ You’re too quiet. _

 

_ You’re too clingy. _

 

_ You’re too- _

 

“Stop!” He pleaded. I snapped to him, eyes bloodshot red, tears threatening to fall any moment now. “Don’t think about that, please.”

 

“What do you want me to think about? Their words?”

 

“As if they’re any worse than yours.”

 

I startled back at his words. The bite in them. The need to show something. My breathing became ragged. I didn’t want to be here. Please don’t make me be here.

 

“I-I’m not good enough… I can’t make them proud… please.”

 

He dropped his bag, the noise sounded through the silent, all-white room. His free hand grapped onto my other shoulder. “It’s okay. It-it’s okay to not be okay, okay?” He whispered gently in my ear, I whimpered, burying my face in his identical maroon sweater. He wrapped his arm around me, rubbing my back as I cried.

 

“You don’t have to smile.” He said, a small smile growing onto his face. “But don’t think about that. Look into the mirror.”

 

He turned me, a mirror appearing where the door was. He disappeared behind me, instead, his face was in the mirror. 

 

_ You’re beautiful/handsome _ . The mirror whispered to me.

 

_ You deserve everything you have right now and more _

 

_ You are a great friend and brother _

 

_ You mean the world to many _

 

“You don’t have to believe the words now.” He - I said to my reflection. “Just believe them one day, okay?”

 

“I don’t want to see you like this.”

 


	3. Non-binary Version

“I don’t want to see you like this.” They whispered. “I don’t know where your smile went. Can you tell me?” 

 

I stayed silent, looking at them, their eyes were full of hope. I couldn’t bear to look at the opposite of me. I looked at the ground between us. It felt like it was so much between us. So many secrets. When have we become like this? 

 

They still had that smile on their face. No matter how many times I disappointed them… They still had a smile. How dare they have a smile? 

 

“It’s okay…” They tried again. “We’ll get your smile back. I promise.”

 

“It’s not okay.” I rasped. They stood, startled. Their eyes traveled the room in shock. Their smile faltered. They hadn’t heard my voice in so long. They almost couldn’t recognize it.

 

“I know it’s not.” They tried. “I know it’s not, but it will be. Okay?”

 

“Why do you always say that?” I sounded like I was begging. “You’re always like them! You always say it’ll get better. It’s not better yet!”

 

I caught myself. I stood abruptly, hand grabbing the bag I had left on the floor. “Where are you going?” They hasted, grabbing onto a bag identical to my own. “Please, wait.”

 

They grabbed onto my shoulder, turning me with force. Their face didn’t have that smile. They didn’t look happy. “I know it’s not better yet.” They held onto my shoulder, gripping onto it so I couldn’t run. I want to run. I don’t want to be lectured. Not again. They tell me enough. 

 

_ You’re useless. _

 

_ You’re ugly. _

 

_ Dumb b*tch. _

 

_ You’re annoying. _

 

_ You’re too quiet. _

 

_ You’re too clingy. _

 

_ You’re too- _

 

“Stop!” They pleaded. I snapped to them, eyes bloodshot red, tears threatening to fall any moment now. “Don’t think about that, please.”

 

“What do you want me to think about? Their words?”

 

“As if they’re any worse than yours.”

 

I startled back at their words. The bite in them. The need to show something. My breathing became ragged. I didn’t want to be here. Please don’t make me be here.

 

“I-I’m not good enough… I can’t make them proud… please.”

 

They dropped their bag, the noise sounded through the silent, all-white room. Their free hand grapped onto my other shoulder. “It’s okay. It-it’s okay to not be okay, okay?” They whispered gently in my ear, I whimpered, burying my face in their identical maroon sweater. They wrapped their arm around me, rubbing my back as I cried.

 

“You don’t have to smile.” They said, a small smile growing onto their face. “But don’t think about that. Look into the mirror.”

 

They turned me, a mirror appearing where the door was. They disappeared behind me, instead, their face was in the mirror. 

 

_ You’re beautiful/handsome _ . The mirror whispered to me.

 

_ You deserve everything you have right now and more _

 

_ You are a great friend and sibling _

 

_ You mean the world to many _

 

“You don’t have to believe the words now.” They - I said to my reflection. “Just believe them one day, okay?”

 

“I don’t want to see you like this.”

  
  



End file.
